Walking Wounded

March 9, 2009

I awake to a howling wind as hard rain lashes at the sides of the house. Dark light slips through the windows; the gray sky speaks of a moody gloom. I’m on the floor and there’s carpet in my mouth? “Great,” I ponder, “What was I doing and where have I been…” New thoughts overwhelm, my lingering dream memories melt away.

I put on my slippers and head downstairs. Weekends are filled with laundry; if its wrinkled then all was for naught, so I move quickly. The dryer is still warm… couldn’t have been passed out for more than a hour. I gaze out through the laundry room door; no storm? Did the weather change? Am I fucked up? Senses reign my perception, how I fail.

No, no, not my senses; my analysis failed. A light pitter-patter was amplified by the house siding, I.. no, no, the weather changed. Before I can avert my attention the wind picks up again, dreadfully moaning to a silent melody, mere seconds before waves of water drops hail heavy praise.

I begin folding my clothes.

I want to tell you something about love.

About the absence of love.

How that absence in a social relation of mutual interest is one of the oddest experiences I’ve had.

More specifically, an absence of love infatuation. You know, that feeling you have about someone (or something) that prevails over your mind, oftentimes blinding you from realizing the ‘true’ reality around you, especially your perception of that person (or thing). Golly, he/she sure is special, sprouted right out of Zeus’ goddamn forehead and fell from the heavens, fell right into your waiting arms so you, hell, the two of you, could finally be complete. Must’ve been providence.

This kind of thinking really, really binds you to that person. You can’t see your future without them, encounter emotional distress, blah blah blah; I just hope for everyone out there that their ‘infatuate’ feels the exact same way about them, because I’ve seen too many people get bent out of shape over trivial shit.

Not being in love with someone puts a whole new spin on things. I find myself inspecting usefulness… and its kind of freaking me out.

Can I try to form a casual, practical relationship? And I’m not really trying that hard.
That sounds awful. Scratch that. I’m trying not to think about what I’m doing because over-analyzing stuff like this makes me act totally fucked up. I’m not trying; I’m just doing. Flying by the seat of my pants, whoopee!

Relationships shouldn’t be about completing; it should be about complimenting… you should already be “complete”, enjoying your life. Now you should be looking for someone who somehow makes your life even more enjoyable.

Fuck, I’m a regular Dr. Phil, ick.


Drink: The Obama

January 7, 2009

Tired of the same old down-to-earth, hops and/or scotch, wet-around-the-balls brew? Are you ready for something new? How can you best show your willingness to change yet still let the party know just what kind of trendy elitist asshole you are?

Open your hearts and hands folks for a drink that will surely clear the minds of a weary nation.


1 part vodka (I highly recommend Vincent Van Gogh Double Espresso)
1 part coffee liquer (Kaluha, or whatever knockoff your local dig provides)
1 part amaretto (Disaronno? Go cheap.)
1 part Monster Java (The Irish or Russian models are superb)

Serve over ice and top with a pile of whipped cream.

While many were skeptical at first, my creation went over rather well at the New Year’s Eve party I attended. Liberals and conservatives alike found it hard to resist a beverage that closely resembled the liquid covenant of high society: Starbucks. Unlike most other drinks, the Obama also provides a kick of energy to keep you partying long into the night. Oh, and be sure to wipe your nose.

Whether you are lounging around the house or hitting the Heinz 57 on Inauguration Day, when you reach for a drink America, you best be raising a tall, cool glass of black, white, and everything in between. The Obama.



I have very little to report about New Year’s except that some fellow was unhappy that I was drinking his beer. “Give me that!” he sneered, grabbing the bottle out of my hands and leaving me startled, dumbfounded as to why someone would be so below the cheer and merriment of a year past and a year ahead.

“Something wrong?” I asked.
“You’re drinking my beer. Go drink some Nattie.”

If you don’t know what ‘Nattie is, its Natural Light. Similar to water but much less refreshing.

“Okay” I replied, a coy smirk reaching across my face. “but are you sure you really want to drink that?” I pointed out to him that the beer was more than 3/4s empty, mainly spit, and possibly contagious. No response. Oh well, his loss, right?

What was he drinking? you wonder. MGD Lite.

I’ll drink MGD, but, with all sincerity, it tastes like piss. Lite piss. Lite, watery, piss. For the love of God, put some hair on your chest a crack open a dank one. I don’t even mind if people drink my beer… as long as they bother to finish it from top to bottom. I think that guy needed an Obama.


Happy New Year.


November 25, 2008

My fellow co-worker, lets call him ‘Greg’, got suspended today for not coming into work last Friday. One of his kids was sick so he stayed home. This startled me, given that Greg is never late for work and is usually among the top three sales representatives for whatever program we’re working. We always work on projects together (we’ve been named “Blackman and Robin”), and I’ve gotten to know a bit about him. While some kind of consequence is certainly mandated, sending Greg home seemed a little above and beyond, especially since he was taking care of his family, and I think my employer is going to be at a loss if he quits.

Anyway, none of that is really important in comparison to what he said before he left.

“I’m working here is so my son can go to college and not end up working here and having to put up with this very same bullshit.”

I have a college degree and I am working a job that is horribly below me. Its so horrid that my co-workers even go as far to point out that it is a dead end not worthy of a college graduate.

I probably should’ve coined in with a snarky comment about college not protecting you from telemarketing for Satan, but I was awash in contemplation and reflection.

I continue to ponder. I spent four years partying and generally dicking around, and this is what I have to show for it? I don’t mean to diminish all the friends and moments I enjoyed and enjoyed time with; I do have some priceless memories; but I know that where I am is not where I’m supposed to be. Not where I want to be. Not where I should be. I feel like I’m back at the beginning again, living with my parents, doing some shit that I hate.

Everyone is going to have to put up with bullshit at their job. I don’t like to put up with bullshit: I like to solve it. I am a capable, creative thinker with glowing attributes to spare, I assure you.

Sure, I did get pretty good grades (3.34 GPA) and graduated, which is more than what some of my peers can say. I’m still in the same boat as them though. Some shiny sheet of paper didn’t pave my way to success. Again, graduating is an achievement, not to be diminished, but its hollow and empty. It doesn’t work very well without a social network to hold you up, some successful professionals who let you ride their coattails. So much opportunity was squandered, and now I’m here, bitching about it on dial-up Internet.

Jesus Christ, I even wrote a whole blog about this in September.

Well this brought that up, and it turns out I really haven’t done anything since then. Rats.

Long time.

November 21, 2008





I guess you should
have seen it coming.

I saw it, trolling along, looking for some new home-spun wool socks,
all googly-eyed, but blanketed in gloss, two bright new stars peaking out, filled with wonder and amazement, “Golly, what a thing to see! All of this, spinning, dizzily, in control yet out, warm centers, garnering love and affection, while lowly lost ones fall free, still, blankly staring, sore gazes upon oblivion.”

Shut the fuck up you dumb fucking cunt. Another word from your lips and I’d shut your trap so hard you won’t even taste your pretty teeth. There’s a dental plan out there but it doesn’t cover mouths full of shit, lies and waiting games, what a fucking waste. You think you have a reason that fulfills, I’m sure it fills, deep inside, you take it in but there’s no end, swallow and it swallows, your own flavor, your very meat.

When he fell he felt his blood.
He felt it pulling, stretching, yearning to escape.
Red streams poured out on to the ground.
The pain had seized him, and he lay there, screaming, screaming for help, comfort, security, love, another, someone, anyone, just love, “Won’t you love me? Please?”

They do not care.
They were, was
      now are

It’ll be a firesale. Everything must go. And the way many Americans live is going to go with it. The “American Dream” will soon be the American “Make Ends Meet.”

After searching the Internet for about an hour to find charts and data to facilitate my point, I have given up. There is simply too much “stuff” out there that doesn’t explain much of anything, especially when it comes down to our economy: the value of the dollar, GDP, inflation, etc. I have decided to include some links to sources I’ll be citing, just to prove I’m not completely full of shit—but it is thoroughly unexciting, I assure you.

This should pretty much explain the economy though.


Were you there for the stock crash? I was. Trillions of dollars in value was lost. The United States GDP is only $14 trillion… and thats not including expenses. We’ve managed to rack up at least $10 trillion in debt since Bush got into office as well.

Oh. And its not like anyone had the foresight to point out this crash years ago.

What does all this debt and financial failing do? It decreases the value of the dollar. The U.S. dollar has almost sunk even to the level of the Canadian dollar. Thats some inflation there folks…

If you don’t understand inflation, consider the fact that the price of a ‘reasonable’ loaf of bread has doubled in my lifetime: the dollar is buying less and less. The minimum wage has barely risen in the past 10 years, while the price of everything else has skyrocketed.

Speaking of labor, the national unemployment rate for Nov. 2008 is at 6.5%, up from 4.6% last year. Americans are not working. Couple this with the fact that the auto industry is about to fall apart (even with the bailout, there will still be huge losses soon), and it becomes pretty clear that there will be millions more out of work. The average income in so many households will be dropping that the poverty line will have to drop as well. The standard of living in the U.S. will lower, with less families being able to purchase homes (oh yeah, the housing crisis), cars (causing the failure mentioned above), or just about anything expensive really.

RV’s, basically car-houses, haven’t been selling very well these days…


People making less money means people spending less money, and with the economy depending on that fact, many businesses will have to close and many markets will shrink. It might even take the entire Obama presidency, until 2016, for incomes in the U.S. to rebound.

Thats a bit much. 2 years of shit is my best guess.

If you think this is bad, you’re just seeing the beginning.


Granted, my life will probably remain the same. Millions of Americans, on the other hand, will be caught in the crushing grip of the free market.

Suffer while ye may! Soon we’ll all be the impoverished masses!

The Hive.

November 17, 2008

Many of them gathered
long knives and sharp forks.
It would be for the benefit
of the all, the us, the Oħe. How
could such solidarity go wrong? Shimmering
with pride they took the hard walk. The rank and file’s lock step
marching grinds out a percussive horror of a beat, while screams of
wretched death ring out in the hollow dark pitch. ¶The blackness
precedes everything; rich lakes of ash, bodies burnt to a crisp, charred remains of anything and everything, smoke blinking out the very light of day. What was now cannot be the same, the Earth, gutted dead, turned out to dry. Where lies your worthy, unmistakable values? Buried deep underground, away from the eyes of the good Sun۞, rich matter for great acclaim? ¶Wary hands fall silent, resting wearily on their souless frames, almost corpses, driven to rot and ruin, far from wishes and honorable ambitions. Heads will droop low, in denial of their indecision; wrecked ships on high seas, a journey to coy stars. If an action could have brought change, would the masses aspire? Thrown wrenches in gears that drive the masters of their desires? Nary a being could comply. Too much teething over wants, little passion for their needs. ¶A cold breeze breathes foul air, chilling iron lungs already numb, frozen in some distant time, left choking down spoils, spoiled blood, spilled for the name of the $elf, greed and wrath. Our heads keep spinning, sick on our brethrens’ flesh, our bellies never filling, the nightmare never ending, drawn forever to the cannibal subconscious, taste, Consume.

Split On The Right

November 12, 2008

This last presidential campaign has been something of an embarrassment for the Right; and by “Right” I mean those right of center (by no means are they ‘correct’ about anything). I’m no Republican, but even I, and probably most of America, realized that their nominee and his VP were dismal picks to fill the Oval Office. Yes, John McCain did manage to garner 48% of the popular vote; some pundits are congratulating him for this, as though it were an achievement… “Obama could have possibly won the whole nation!” they say. 

Sorry, but there’s no way that could have ever happened. As much as we’d like to think it, Americans are not that open minded. Every year the election falls to the undecided voters at the center, and whichever candidate convinces them the best will win. Simply put, that 48% were going to vote Republican anyway, regardless of what each candidate said. The same goes for the Democrats. The meager 4% decides it all, and for whatever reason the Right lost, it lost due to their current relationship with those voters.

Yes, the Right was going to lose anyway: the Bush Administration, with its never-ending stock of fiascoes and failures, lost the election. Even so, there should not have been the Obama LANDSLIDE in the electoral college. That fault lies with the Republican presidential nominee, and there, also, lies our quandary in question.

John McCain is not your typical Republican. His ‘maverick’ status came about due to his breaking from the party line on certain issues: namely immigration, campaign finance reform, and torture. Even his most important work he has done in Congress has been reaching across the isle with Democrats. This would lead you to think that he would be an excellent choice to run in 2008, when his party needed a change of face.

I think John McCain is a ‘maverick’ because he’ll do anything to win, which includes flip-flopping on everything he’s ever done (see above) and picking a VP who has absolutely no business being in the White House (see below). McCain ended up allowing the Republican machine to churn out the worst filth, soiling his “straight talk” image. His campaign against Obama should have been the same as Hillary v. Obama: two candidates with virtually the same platform… okay, the same other than Iraq. Iraq is where he would have lost it, and he would have barely lost it.

Sarah Palin is divisive. Period. She is not very intelligent. She is somewhat cunning. The consensus seems to be that she’s a MILF (see “Nailin’ Palin”). What she does best is divide though. Any reasonable person could acknowledge the fact that when people shout “hang that nigger”

Oh excuse me.

“Hang that Muslim.”

As though being a Muslim is a bad thing, right? Just like someone being black is a bad thing. The profound ignorance that this election brought out is just the beginning of the end of the Republican party that you know today. Yesteryear they’d at least try to hide the fact that their base is chock full of racist bigots.

Anyway, any reasonable person could acknowledge the fact that when someone shouts racial and ethnic epithets at your rally, you need to chastise them. Party of Lincoln? Yeah, Lincoln wanted you to free the slaves so you could treat them like shit for the next 130 years. Its become a Party of Hatred and Negligence. Sarah Palin just smiled and smiled.

She’s also a secessionist, which is treason.
A real patriot would “hang that bitch!”

There are conservatives who saw and heard these things and they turned away. This was not their Republican party.

My whole point is that the United States is going to break free from the two party system. Sounds pretty crazy? Sarah Palin is set to be one of the top Republican nominees for 2012. Do you think everyone is just going to forget her performance this year?

Republicans fall into two categories, really, er…

There are all kinds of conservatives!
(Mind you that these will not always ring true; I’ve seen a Democrat love some guns…)

  • Fiscal conservatives. They’d like to reduce government spending and balance the budget. 
  • Small government/States rights/Anti-federalists. The federal government is a waste AND it infringes on our rights.
  • Libertarians.They’d like as little government involved as possible, because it infringes on your liberty. Libertarians also have alot of other wide-ranging views, from drug legalization to raging anarchy.
  • Pro-lifers. Abortion is wrong.
  • Fundamentalist Christians. The Bible thumpers would like everything to revert back to the old days. Too bad Jesus was black.
  • Gun enthusiasts. NRA to the max. Handguns, hunting rifles, automatic weapons, grenades, rockets, tanks, its your right!
  • Entreprenuers. They want low taxes on small business.
  • Big Business. They want low corporate taxes.
  • Isolationists. No U.S. intervention anywhere.
  • Conservative Democrats. In a conservative leaning state, its hard run in opposition to a Republican and win with true-blue liberal ideals.
  • Liberal Republicans. Much like the Conservative Democrat, but vice-versa.
  • Pro-death penalty.
  • Anti-gay.
  • Social conservatives. No welfare, free health care, food stamps, unemployment, whatever.
  • Pro-free market/Capitalists.
  • Racists.
  • Anti-Communists. These people are still afraid of the Soviets due to fear mongering McCarthy era tactics… never mind that Communism had nothing to do with the actual governments we were enemies with (they were all dictatorships, not the democracies that Communism relies upon).
  • Pro-Intelligent design/Anti-evolution/Anti-science. Unusually hysterical, especially since most of these people still use medicine… which fights evolving viruses and bacteria…
  • Neo-conservatives. Would like to shape the world to their democratic vision, regardless of whether or not you and your country actually wants it.
  • Strict constitutionalists/Anti-activists. Have a very restricted interpretation of the U.S. Constitution. Note that Bush is not one of these…

I’m tired and really don’t feel like typing anymore. I would include Fascists and neo-Nazis but…

Anyway, the Republican party can no longer hold all of these people together. Some of them have gotten a little too ridiculous. I’m predicting a split, and it might turn out a little like this and that. Some of the others will have to split… moderate social conservatives going this way and radical social conservatives going that way. The one certainly can’t stand the other.

 Who knows. Maybe they’ll pull their shit together and unite the party.
The Democrats might just split too….

On November 4th, or perhaps the early morning of November 5th, dates evading me from drunken stupor, something happened, something, umh?


I think I’m still in shock. My cynicism has been silenced. President Obama.
I can no longer brood in disappointment over my nation’s failings, those long years of slowly losing hope, our actions for whats right, whats good, whats true, seemingly wasted, resistance is futile, you shall remain depraved…

…then here comes the light, in this brand new day, an awakening, great reason for all to come and enjoy and bathe in such a glorious brightness to behold, he made us believe in him, that we would come through that dark night and change the world. We knew what was wrong. Through him we made it right.


Actually, with some long dirty dreads and a robe, he’d pretty much be Jesus.
I think I’ve gone off tangent to exactly where I want to be, right here, making an analogy between Jesus and Obama, Christians and all of us. Christian means ‘to be Christ-like.’ I know a lot of Christians who could try a little harder, especially as far as compassion, understanding and forgiveness go.


I believe (eek!) that Barack Obama will institute change in America. But in order for his presidency to truly change the U.S., we’re going to have to change ourselves as well. If we all work to be better Americans, maybe we could really make things for the better, together, with our new President.


Change is hard because you have to commit to it; otherwise you just sink back into your former self, most likely in a highly hypocritical manner. You must have commitment to excellence** for those ideals you truly value, and you must seek them out each and every day. Then you will create change.


I cannot even begin to list the things that you can do to promote change: commitment to excellence can happen anywhere, anytime. I usually just joke about it in situations of extreme failure, but its Aristotelian virtue ethics: while it can certainly be quite the crock, at least you’re doing it excellently.


Lose weight. Wash the dishes. Get active. Use less. Make more. Dance, laugh, sing, cry, shout, work, view, listen, honestly, whatever you want to make more excellent, recycle, party, rock, sock, robots…
                                                                                          …Obama loves it.


**I played one year of highschool football, and “commitment to excellence” was on the back of our football t-shirts. We lost every single game that year.



October 31, 2008

You make me want to crawl in a hole
Crouched in the darkness, letting things be
Just let it be? I can’t do that, I never can
Neurons pop and shock, pulsing energy
Streams of consciousness threading in and out
My brain cackles out short, hoarse cries
Crying out this longing, disappointment

Barely breathing
Oxygen deprived
The mind focuses on the zero sum
Thoughts, they just hurt, thought
they were something to have and to hold
Though they held so little
They held just so

Between the one and the three
Crosses bolt from the ground
Higher and higher, they’re rising
Unmistakable flight of a lowly tower
shading the groves of cowering cogs
lain still in the wonder of admission
In all things the Two, a couple peaches paired

Knowledge is for the witness
No other could betray the thickness
of a block set, walled in stone, born
in fire, blessed and hardened, bearing
loads for years young now and later old
‘You hold strong, you hold well
We need you, you are with us’
Coaxing back the crumbling matter

Time will tell her
Hers are worthy
Worth the knowing
To know the nothing


October 27, 2008

 1. Restless.
    Thats how I feel.
    My mind is spinning in circles
    while my feet keep the beat, plodding along
    some path, this road to no-where?
    God I hate.
    God I hate myself.
    Myself, I hate God.
    I, myself, hate God.
    My self, I, hates God.

2. Hating God is hating my self.
    Hating my self is like hating God:
    Both God and the typical ‘self’ are concepts
    created by unknowing man to solve marginal problems with reality
    Both God and the self provide aspects of responsibility and judgment:
    Blame and guilt.
    They both provide a mechanism of ambition for the hearts of man;
    “You there! Seek out and fulfil goals and obligations!”


Rusted truck guilt-set
    along a winding river bend
    gone to town to fuck around
    sheets with blood are everywhere
    fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

    Where did they come from?
    I had no matter here, no matter
    there must be an answer to your
    problems come about, problems with
    problems with reality



Reality is a bend. 4.
    Objective Truth    
    Hell, no need to say objective    
    Its got the goddamn capital T there    
    Truth is everywhere around you.    
    Then you take it in, through your senses,    
    and bend it.    
You bend the fuck out of it.   
    You twist it around every previous thought    
    All those things that you hold true    
    Even though they are not true    
    And hold but a pinch of the very Truth you should be experiencing.    
    Should be?    




5. There is Truth aro-you-und.
    Your ‘self’, which is framed 
    ce                               pts
instilled in you by others,
    filters the Truth through things you consider to be true.
    though these things may               Even              not be true at all, they can
    certainly d i   ystor rrrt teh Truth.
    These things that you hold true distort the Truth to reinforce their
    ‘truthyness,’ causing further and further decay
               r                                                        abi
                           l     i
                                                             y t
    contemplate the Truth, slowly but surely deluding the being into knowing
    an inescapable false reality.






6. Consult your wish list from last month! Read it over to see what came 
    true: if it is clear that one or two wishes are no closer to coming true, 
    remove them from the list.

    Decide on your Top 10 wishes for the next upcoming month. Be as
    specific or as vague as you want to be; the wishes won’t mind! Write
    them down with a pen, or maybe even a crayon or a marker for extra
    colorful wishing fun! The more energy you invest, the more likely they 
    will come true!

    Read your list out loud to the Universe, and then either burn or bury
    your list. OR set it aside so you can check it next month because wishes
    are very forgettable. Wishes can be rude like that.

    Finally, get on with your week, safe in the knowledge that you have
    expressed your wishes to the Universe.